I’ve definitely thought about aliens before and the possibility of coming face to face with one, but I never really thought what my next step would be from there. That could be a problem. Lucky for all of us, this dandy list of how to handle “the most important moment in all of human history” could probably keep us and the rest of the human rest out of some serious trouble.

What do you do? To put it simply:

• Stay still. You can’t outrun these fools.
• Find a medium to communicate through. You can’t speak alien.
• Use math to prove that we’re mildly intelligent too. They get science, not Shakespearean literature.
• Show them you know what space is. Simple drawings should have helped you this far.
• Show humility. They can really mess us up.
• Hope for the best, even though you’ll probably die.

Make sure you don’t screw it up if you ever become the chosen one and read the full run down here. As simple as it may all seen, you’re still probably not as smooth as you think you are. Study. The rest of us Earth inhabitants don’t want to be annihilated because of your attitude.

Much thanks to Robert who has our existence in his best interest!

[via rorr.im]

I’ve seen this done with the likes of cupcakes, but toast? I’m impressed and I never thought I could be impressed by toast! But look all that shading, the evenness of the burnt crisp. It’s…beautiful. I hope the maker of this toasty Mario enjoyed many sandwiches as his/her reward.

[via Walyou]

Does that make Comic Sans a Golden Retriever and Zaphino an Italian Greyhound?

[g-b via noqudeanblogs]

Thanks, Holly. Hey Holly. Thanks. Thanks for joining us, Holly. Thanks again, Holly. Thank you so much, Holly.

…Poor Holly Hunter. But you have to give her some credit. She’s obviously very skilled at what she does because she carried that entire interview by herself. I mean, being interviewed by a rotating fan with a mustache taped to it while being sprayed with pepper juice would be less uncomfortable. And really, who besides Stewie pronounces “what” as “h’what”? Say “Cool Whip” again, Merry Miller. If that’s really your name…

Ladies and gentlemen, things are about to get really interesting. Eduard Khil, the singer of the bizarreness known as Trolololo, has responded to his world wide fame with one simple request: lyrics. That’s right, folks. You write the lyrics and he’ll sing them. This may be the greatest thing that has ever happened to us.

Now I’m assuming there’s some kind of direction or information here, but my knowledge of Russian stops at “vodka”. Oh well, we’ll just have to keep an eye on this upcoming event, shall we?

[via Neatorama]

Before last week, this commercial would have deeply disturbed me. But since then, allegations of the C.I.A. lacing the bread of a French village with LSD have come to light and well, anything is possible. Who knows what IHOP has been slipping into the pancake batter to make us associate their food with this trippy helium mess. Whatever it is, it’s obviously keeping them in business.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take my bundle of balloons to the balloon mechanic to get inspected. Hopefully I won’t have to pay for any balloon repairs or slow motion circus music fees.

Thanks, Curt!

There are a lot of benefits to living in NYC and any of its 5 boroughs. Great opportunities, culture, an exciting lifestyle and if you’re really lucky, a stoop. Stoops are especially effective for entering your home and/or drinking a forty in a brown paper bag. And if you haven’t drank a forty in a brown paper bag, then you haven’t lived.

Fortunately for all of you without stoops, myself included, we can stoopify our existence with Alvaro Uribe’s Stoop Bench. Though, to be perfectly honest, I don’t know why you’d ever waste your time with a bench when you can just have a stoop.

[via CribCandy]

Some things don’t need an explanation. The end.

[via CuteOverload]

Step 2: Come back here to chat.

Did you scream? Cry? Squeal? Poop your pants? Yeah, I’m sorry. But I just couldn’t help myself and honestly, you can’t really blame me. And while I may be seriously uneducated about television programming in Australia (including the Discovery Channel’s), I’m going to assume this shark week has already passed. Sorry, Australian readers. But hey, at least you got someone with some huge marketing brains. Even if it makes you poop your pants, it’s still a good thing.

Thanks, Owen!

Wuh oh, did the Dairy just turn into a girl fest explosion? Yikes. Better get some sharks on here and quick. But first, the dress. Attention all small framed and adorable women. You may want to take certain precautions while wearing the Par Avion dress. If you get to close to a mailbox, you might get sent away. Then again, Paris isn’t really such a bad place to end up. I’d give it a try myself, but I’m a giant and no postman in his right mind will come near me. For shame. I’ll have to ride in a pricey airplane seat just like everyone else, I guess. Booooo!

[LiliaTodd'sFlickr via FashionablyGeek]