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An Open Letter To The Asshole Who Ran The Stop Sign By My House
By nikkita | May 27, 2009
Good morning, asshole. I hope this morning finds you, your hangover and your whiplash well. Have you gotten an estimate for your car yet? Is it steep? Do you even know what I’m talking about? Let me recap for you.
Last night between 9:30 and 9:45 I heard your black sedan squealing from one corner of town to another and then to the one I live on. The speed limit is 25 for good reason, so your tires shouldn’t have been making that noise. I’m assuming you were drunk out of your fucking mind (hence the debilitating hangover I hope you have) since you managed to plow your vehicle into the curb somehow and blow out your tire, creating quite the disturbance. Oh, did I mention that you BLASTED through the stop sign next to my house? Yeah, you’re a dick! But at the time, I didn’t even know what went down. I just heard the horrid sound of your vehicle meeting the pavement creating the illusion of one hell of a collision. I grabbed my phone and jumped from landing to landing down my stairs and ran out the door. Why did I do this? Because I thought you might be dead, dying or even worse, hit someone who was dead or dying.
You were gone but man could I smell your burning rubber! Don’t worry, there were plenty of witnesses, some of which were walking up the road to follow you while some others hung back to inform me of the details of your outrageous assholeishness. Now, considering your tire was blown out, you couldn’t have gotten far and I was excused from my duties as a good Samaritan to go back home. Wow, adrenaline is something, isn’t it? My heart sure was thumping and no thanks to you. You know, I’ve mentioned before that I’m a squeamish person but if I had to hold two or more of your body parts together, I would have. On that note, fuck you. I hope they threw away your license so nobody would ever be in danger of your douchbaggery again. You’re an ass. I hate you.
Aside: Hello world. There’s a lot of crazy drivers in my neck of the woods and maybe I’m a bit sensitive when it comes to reckless driving, but I don’t need anymore people losing their lives to it. It happens far too often around these parts. I don’t like to get all preachy, but let’s be real here for a second. It’s one thing to put yourself in danger, but when you’re putting lives of innocent bystanders on the line, ref has got to call you out for a penalty.
There are many stars to thank tonight that nobody was hurt. Please be safe, everyone.
Love.
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